Former Social Worker Writes New Life Chapter in Publishing - Black Enterprise

Former Social Worker Writes New Life Chapter in Publishing - Black Enterprise

Why I can't stop writing

As a youngster, I endured a lot of pain and misery. I never felt like I belonged with either side of my family. Being raised by my paternal grandmother, whom I felt sometimes resented my presence, I never felt a connection to anybody. There have been many other tragic events in my life that I can't share publicly, but I feel that I was blessed with the talent to write for a reason. I'm not saying that I'm more special than the next person, but I've endured enough pain when I was younger until I graduated from college to last me a lifetime. While on campus in college, I was able to mask my pain by acting like a normal student. When I drove home on most weekends, there weren't really any homes to go to. I mostly stayed with friends or family who felt that was the only way they could help me. I have so many stories that I have yet told, sometimes I wonder if I will be writing until I'm in my late 90's(hoping to live that long).  The best has yet to come while I still wrestle with my personal issues. Most of the reasons that I keep writing stories about overcoming the odds is because I feel that I've overcome a lot in my life. I wasn't supposed to be here living this great life that I feel I have. I should've been miserable and unproductive and may be even a vagabond, but my fighting spirit kept me fighting and I never stopped.

I remember when my daughter was born prematurely and the doctor told me she was going to be a quadriplegic for her entire life, it was the most painful thing that I had ever heard. She was my first and only child and I didn't know what to do. My daughter kept fighting and I also fought for her by providing the best therapy and aftercare possible for her. I need to make her feel that she's not alone in this world. Though her mother and I are divorced, she still needs to know that she has two loving parents and 2 comfortable homes. I'm not trying to be superdaddy, I just want to be the best parent to my daughter that I wished I had.

Also, the fact that I've received so may letters and emails from my readers affirming the changes that some of my books have caused in their lives, this keeps my motor running and the zeal to continue to pen the best stories possible. I wrote Neglected Souls because I felt neglected by those who were supposed to be there for me; I wrote The Most Dangerous Gang in America: The NYPD, because my fate could've ended like Sean Bell at the hands of police; I wrote Meeting Ms. Right because I always had dreams of finding my other half to build a family with (that didn't work the first time around); And I wrote Ignorant Souls because I felt so many of us lack the education, knowledge and reasons why we struggle so much in our daily lives,   but after releasing those books, I found out I was not alone in my predicament. For those reasons and many more, I can't stop writing.

I would like to thank all of you who have made this possible for me for the last 10 years. It's been a very therapeutic journey for me and I understand it's an ongoing process.

Why do cheaters cheat with their mates' close friends and family members?

Freaky Friday's here and I would like to engage you in a conversation that most people don't want to be a part of. First of all, I need to state that my moral compass is no higher than most people, but nevertheless, I do have morals.

I often hear about cases of infidelity from the wounded mate, but it's not often the cheater comes out and admits his/her act of cheating without trying to justify his/her bad decision. Quiet as it's kept, there are far more cheaters out there than faithful people. Most cheaters feel a sense of validation when they cheat, because they can always blame it on something that is lacking in their personal relationship. However, if you are going to cheat, why would you cheat with someone who's close to your mate?

I'm one of those guys who has always been against "sloppy seconds." I'm not built for it. I always have to be first. It would be hard for me to sleep with a woman who's in a relationship with a friend or family member. Morally, I would automatically lose respect for a woman who would knowingly try to sleep with me even if I'm just an acquiantance of her partner's. I honestly feel people with loose morals always have some type of justification for their ill behavior. Out of the millions of people available on this planet, why would you want to focus on the ones forbidden to you?

That argument is easy enough, but when you think about it, people can only cheat with other people that they have the most access to. If the best friend is always around, chances are he/she probably knows the situation between you and your mate. Your vulnerability is their best asset and they can use it to manipulate you into thinking that they are a better option, and before you know it, you're sobbing and sulking in the arms of the so called best friend who has now become the enemy, not just to his best friend, but also to you. If you really think about it, the best friend is actually a worst individual than the mate you're cheating on. What kind of best friend or family member leaves himself open to the possibility of sleeping with his/her best friend's mate?

I know that society has changed in the last few decades, but the selfish attitude that some of us carry is only going to take us in the wrong direction. Next time you're ready to spread your legs to your mate's best friend, or  get between the legs of your mate's best friend, think about your lack of judgment and morals, but more importantly, you need to look at the friend and ask yourself, was he/she ever a friend to your mate to begin with?

Is 60 seconds of pleasure really worth it? It doesn't matter how long or how hard you go at it, it comes to down to 60 seconds of pleasure when you climax. 2-3 hours of sex ends up with the same result, 60 seconds of screaming, convulsing, shaking and trembling. I'm even being generous with the 60 seconds. The ultimate goal is to climax, no nut is that golden!

You really think you know men?

Since today is Freaky Friday, I want to go back to the Friday roots and keep it freaky and steamy. However, I also want to convey a message to many of the women out there who think they know so much about men.

So it's Friday night and he calls you up for a date and you accept, because you don't want to be in the house alone. He's excited about seeing you and he wants to put his all into it to ensure you have a good time. He rummages through his closet and finds the best looking slacks, shirt, shoes, belt, and even maybe his best suit to impress you. On the dresser, he reaches for his special cologne, not the one he wears everyday, but the expensive one that he only wears on special occasions. He sprays more than usual around his neck, behind his ears and wrists hoping to gain your attention when you first see him. The car has been cleaned and detailed spotless. He's looking forward to a great time with you. He even follows up with the restaurant to make sure the reservation is intact. All he's thinking about is being in your presence for the very first time. There's no hard-on or any bulge in his pants yet, he's excited about the first date and wants to get to know you.

Finally, he's at your door and you're still not ready. He gives you an extra 15 minutes, but he's a little agitated because he worked hard to get the reservation at the restaurant. You finally emerge from the bedroom after he's been sitting in your livingroom, assessing your decorating style, your cleanliness and your sense of time and responsibility. Later on, they will all play a factor in his decision to continue on with courting you. You look sexy as hell and your tardiness is all but forgotten. He's happy to see that you look so good. He asks to use your bathroom before he leaves. He relieves himself and quickly heads out to the restaurant with you to make it on time. You have small talk in the car, but he's a little cautious and reserve. You are very independent, professional, educated, beautiful and smart. You live in an upper-middleclass neighborhood. He knows this, no need to reiterate. The sexy black dress you're wearing forces the blood to leave his brain to travel down to his pants while he's driving, but he's able to conceal this natural occurence from you. You get more nods and one-word answers from him than you would like, but how he can concentrate when your legs look so delicious near the center consul? You almost make him feel like he's out of his league, because you told him about the last few guys you dated who were doctors, lawyers, professional athletes and executives. He reaches behind his seat and surprisingly hands you a dozen roses and tells you how good you look, nervously. You thank him and instantly bring the roses to your nose to let him know you appreciate the gesture. He's thinking he might have a shot at this otherwise, unbelievable woman.

We're gonna fast forward to the end of the night for a minute. You filled your stomach with the most expensive dishes; you never threw one compliment his way and you find out his blue collar job is not what you want from a man, but worst he didn't meet your education requirement, salary requirement, looks requirement, articulation requirement and height requirement. And you couldn't understand why he drove a Nissan Sentra. Why the fuck did you go out with him then? To waste his money and time?

Ain't nothing steamy about this damn post. I wanna know why women like to play these stupid ass games. 50% of professional black women are single and I'm just trying to find out the reasons behind this trend. I'm gonna try to be the voice for these brothers who come from all walks of life, but I need the women to be honest with themselves and the reasons they tend to overlook certain men. This is not to generalize all women, but too many women have this long checklist that they're walking around with that keeps them single.

Ladies, holla!

Fellas, let them know how you feel!

These are some of the issues I will be addressing in my new book, What Women Need to Know About men.

So you wanna get married, huh?

Since I'm a divorced father of a beautiful princess, I can only hope that one day I get the chance to walk her down the aisle, if that's what she wants to do. However, before she even thinks about walking down the aisle, I have to get her prepared for that phase in her life.

Most little girls grow up to be women with dreams of finding their prince charming one day, but the problem lies with the fact that too many little girls have never gotten a chance to be a princess. You can't be with a prince if you don't know what it's like to be a princess. I'm not blaming the ladies for not experiencing the royal treatment of a princess throughout their lives, but I will ask for the men to step up and show their little girls what it's like to be a princess, because they will make better wives.

Most black women are reluctant to admit that they have daddy issues, and often times, they don't try to resolve them before getting into a serious relationship with a man. Your father is supposed to be the first image that you have of a man as a little girl, whether positive or negative. If you have a great daddy in your life, chances are, you will end up with a great man because you will be able to make a better choice due to the example that your father set forth. However, if your daddy wasn't all that great, you may also end up with a man similar to him, which won't help your relationship. In order to break this negative cycle, you either have to sit with your "inadequate father"  and talk it out with him or go to the next psych clicnic to seek professional help.

Most people don't place too much emphasis on the fact that a great relationship can only be built when we resolve our own issues first. We can't lean towards a partner to help resolve something that has been a part of our lives before we met him/her. Those issues have to be addressed beforehand so that a prosperous relationship can develop. I dont wanna knock anybody for wanting to form a loving union with with a partner, but let's remove the struggling part of that union before we even get started. There are too many beautiful, prefessional, intelligent and single sisters out there. We need to build the black family and it all starts with us.

Why Men Cheat With Less Desirable Women

Today's Freaky Friday and I would like to talk about some of the undercover freaks like Arnold Crush-a-maida and a few other men who have cheated on their wives with women that aren't even worth the trouble.

I'm finding most of the time when men cheat, they cheat with women that are either working for them or close to their family and are in a subordinate position. We can go back to the Clinton-Monica Lewinski debacle and see how easy it is for a man to become attracted to a woman that's less desirable financially, intellectually and even physically than their wives sometimes. Too many wives feel that their husbands are more inclined to go after a desirable bombshell when they want to cheat. That's rarely the case, and even when it is the case, the relationship with the bomshell bimbo is usually shortlived. However, that plain Jane looking woman that your husband may be around all the time, gives him easy access and control.

First of all, it's not hard for a man in a powerful position to make a plain Jane feel desirable. All it takes is a subtle compliment. The plain Jane is usually envious of the beautiful, glamorous wife, anyway. So her best weapon of revenge is to sleep with the husband. It's vengeful because Ms. Plain Jane will keep their secret while holding in her laugh in the presence of the wife. Also, these men tend to find the less powerful women easier prey because they figure they can control them emotionally, and most of the time, financially also. Just imagine how that maid felt when Gov. and Mr. Arnold "I'll be back, movie star" Schwartzeneger responded to her flirtatious ways the first time? She no longer felt like a second class citizen in the presence of Maria Shriver. She wanted to be number one in his heart and the way to do that was to drop her panties and let him have it any way he wanted, especially raw. The lady herself was married, but her husband couldn't even hold Armold's jockstrap, as far as she was concerned. These men are dumb enough to think they have the situation under control because of their powerful position. Who would've thought John Edwards was cheating on his wife? Why would a president allow an intern to give him a blowjob? An intern? It's because these powerful men think they can control the situation when it involves a subservient person.

The fact that these men don't even care to use protection while cheating, only reaffirms the belief that they are invincible. Strauss-Khan is going to find out the hard way about his invicibility as the woman he allegedly raped has been allegedly diagnosed as HIV positive. If Clinton had gone further with Monica Lewinski, I'm sure there would've been a lovechild there as well. Monica was too happy about the blowjob, so she blew her chance to take it to the next level. She was young, excited and couldn't keep her mouth shut, literally.

The fact that when men like Arnold, Clinton, Jesse Jackson, and even the IMF Chief Strauss-Khan who allgedly raped a maid in Manhattan, are defended and supported by their wives in the media is very disturbing. Arnold has a history of groping women, Clinton has a history of being naughty with other women, Jesse Jackson has had affairs in the past as well, and Strauss-Khan has a history of forcing himself on women. However, the common fact in all these cases is that these women chose to ignore these behaviors from these men because of their powerful positions in society. That type of behavior is not curbed because it's often overlooked by the wives, even before they decide to marry these men.

I know most women want to be with a powerful man, but there's a price to pay when you marry a powerful man. The maid may be laughing at you, the nanny may be clowning (ala Jesse James), the secretary may be jestering you and the personal assistant may just know that you have no oral skills or rythm in the bedroom. These women are not as undesirable as you may think. They might just have one up on you.

Is beauty all you need to take it there?

As a man, I know how important aesthetics can be when most of us look at a woman. Beauty is usually the first thing that draw us to a woman. However, beauty doesn't necessarily have to be a beautiful face. For some men, the body is more important than the face, but nonetheless, a beautiful body is part of the beauty package. Most men won't think twice about marrying a beautiful woman no matter how intellectually challenged she may be. Most of us would find ourselves excited by a woman's beauty alone. Of course, there's an exception to every rule.

Personally, if a woman lacks intelligence, she won't do it for me. I'm easily agitated by stupidity. I don't want to be in the company of an imbecil, because at the end of the day, frustration is always waiting down the road. You can't just have sex without having somewhat of a conversation for the rest of your life. I can only speak as a man and for myself.

Women tend to be a little different than men. Substance is usually key for most women. A good looking man can get them riled up, but most of them can't get past the lack of intelligence from a man. However, there are still women out there who just want to be with a good looking man.

To me beauty is not limited to the physical. A person with a beautiful mind add sassiness to the equation. Furthermore, when a woman is intelligent, she tends to be a notch above the rest. A smart woman/man can help you get ahead in life, while somebody who's intelletually challenged might be an extra load to carry.

Can you stay interested in a realtionship by beauty alone? Is beauty all you need to make a decision regarding a partner?

The Dominican Republic's dirty secret

Since today is Flag day in Haiti, I decided to write this in our honor.

Unlike most people who travel to the caribbean for vacation, I try to look into the fiber of the society which I'm visiting. As with any vacation, I was excited about my trip to Santo Domingo for the very first time. So many people had told me about the island, I was ready to have the best time of my life once I got there. Soon after my arrival to the island, the driver who picked me up from the airport to take me to my resort started making small talk and we were soon engaged in a conversation, however limited it was, due to his inability to speak english fluently and my inability to understand his spanish. Nevertheless, we managed with my limited spanish and his limited english. It was kind of odd that Sammy Sosa's name came up right away, because of his latest effort to transform himself from a black man to a white man by bleaching his skin and added new green contacts to his eyes. Right away I sensed the lack of pride in Sosa, because of the sarcasm in the driver's voice. This lack of pride also came from a government that reinforced the negativity towards darker skinned people. Not much different from the US, but the Dominican Republic is a nation that's made up of 90% dark skinned people. The driver himself was what I would call a medium brown skinned brother with wavy hair. That small conversation led to bigger conversation on my part with other tourist guides from the island during the rest of my trip. It was ironic that many of them thought I was Dominican, but not black. LMAO!

I was shocked to learn that most of the Dominicans do not want to embrace their African ancestry, even though most of them are brown to dark skinned people. It was disturbing as the days went on and I started to learn more about the Dominican culture. On one of the tours that I went, the tour guide was proud to talk about his Taino ancestry, a tribe that was annihilated hundreds of years ago. Though apparent in his pigmentation, the blackness or darkness that most of the tourists are seeking under the hot Dominican sun, this man was very apprehensive about letting on that he was part African. It was a good thing that I was forewarned about this inferiority complex by Dr. Henry Louis Gates, the Havard professor who made the documentary called Blacks in Latin America. It was a little too late after I watched the tape because the trip was already booked. I damn sure would have saved my money.

I found that most people in the Domincan Republic to be pleasant, however, it is an insult to them to call them black. To take it even further, it's even more insulting to think that they have Haitian blood. The irony about this situation is that there would be no Dominican Republic if they were never liberated from the Spaniards by the Haitians. At one point, the whole island was called Ayiti. So, any person with dark skin in the Dominican Republic most likely has Haitian decendants. I also found out players like Alfonso Soriano, Juan Pierre(obvious last name), Sammy Sosa and many more well-known baseball figures in the USA, all have Haitian forefathers and even parents. However, the Dominican government would not grant them a visa to get a contract with MLB if that information is made public.

Furthermore, the Dominican government's propaganda in the public's eye is that they have the best interest of the Haitian people at heart, especially after the earthquake, but after visiting the shanty town with slave-like quarters where the people of Haitian decent live, I beg to differ. After visiting a sugar cane plantation where migrant workers are paid less than .50 cents a day to work 14 hrs, I would strongly disagree. After learning that Dominican born children of Haitian parents are not recognized by the Dominican government as citizens, and are kept from attending school because of their ancestral background, I was angry. After learning that kids are sometimes picked up on their way home and decapitated and killed for no reason simply because they are black and have Haitian background, I was pissed. After learning that they openly talked about President Obama being less than human on national radio in the Dominican Republic because his father was from Africa, I was ready to kill somebody.

I say all this to say that if you're planning a trip to the Dominican Republic, please go spend your money elsewhere. We do not need to support a government that allows people to be ostracized on a daily basis when all they are looking for is an opportunity to work and provide for their family. Unfortunately, I can't go into too much detail as this is only a blog, but I promise I will follow this up with a detailed book to expose the atrocities going on in the Dominican Republic.

I encourage all people, whether black or white to stop visiting the Dominican Republic because they're still  violating all the human rights that most people across the world, in America, South Africa, Europe, South America and Asia are fighting for. The UN has had to beg the Dominican government to allow them to build schools to allow these children to attend. I say to my Haitian brothers and sisters: keep your head up because we will rise again as a nation, and people will once again recognize our achievements as a strong people and the first free black republic in the world.

When sex is the deciding factor...

Yay! Freaky Friday is here again!

So you're in a relationship and things are not going as well as you would like. Your mate is a little abusive, insensitive sometimes and can also be inconsiderate of your feelings. You get frustrated, and even on the verge of walking away to start anew when you feel that that you've had enough. Just when you muster the courage to say, "to hell with the relationship," your mate pulls out his/her secret weapon and before you know it, you're screaming God's name in vain as your mate is getting ready to take you to seventh heaven the best way he/she knows how, sexually. Your body language and attitude shift and the high of an orgasm set you on a path to cloud nine and everything around you starts to float. Your heart is pulsating with good feelings, your body convulses with pleasure and your mind erases all the negative experiences for the hour or so you are under your mate's sexual spell.  You look at your mate and his/her ability to bring so much physical and sexual pleasure to you, and all you can do is smile. His/her body is perfect at the time; his/her smile melts your heart; your toes curl and that person is just right. All of a sudden you're having second thought about leaving the relationship, because you just know that you will never find anybody else in the world that will satisfied you sexually the way that your thoughtless mate does. All is forgiven after you are properly sexed, but not even a day later, things go right back to the way they were until your next sexual session, again!

Is sex really important to the point where a person should forget everything else that should matter in a relationship?

Are you caught up in that type of relationship?

Has good sex affected your good moral decision to leave a poor relationship?

The sex is good, but...

I can't believe Freaky Friday is upon us so soon once again.

While most of us enjoy sex with our partners, and sometimes strangers that we don't really know, but are we really careful are we when it comes to taking inventory of our partner's body? When was the last time you took your time to look at somebody's genital area?

I'm not gonna talk about the dangers of HIV and AIDS because most people are aware of the fact that a condom or abstinence is your best weapon against them. I also want to save that post for a later time.However, too many of us are too careless when it comes to other sexually transmitted diseases. I truly believe one of the best defense mechanism against STD's is a bright light. Way before you even slip on that condom, the light should be your best disease detector. Too many people enjoy having sex in the dark that they neglect to take inventory of their partner's body and genetalia. Sometimes the disease is right in front of us, but we don't take the time to look at it because we're so eager to penetrate.

The Center for Disease Control has stated that 50% of African-American women have been diagnosed with herpes. How can you truly detect if someone is infected if you're having unprotected sex with them in the dark? You need to turn that light on an inspect the private parts of your partner before you dig deep into that dome of pleasure. Visible sores are a sign of herpes, syphillis and other possible diseases, not just on the genital, but also on the mouth. It's the same thing for men. Ladies, don't be shy about holding on to that penis to make sure it's disease free. Turn on the light and inspect! Both men and women can be infected through oral as well as intercourse. I know that sores are not always visible, but please look for redness on the genitals, because it is possible that your partner may be infected without knowing it. Herpes, Syphillis and Hepatitis C are all serious diseases, and we need to limit the exposure of these diseases one person at a time in our community. If your partner is against having the light on before engaging in sex, you need to be alarmed.

So next time you're with that shy girl/guy who doesn't want you to turn the light on before you have sex with her/him, tell 'em it's for the sake of both of you to look over every inch of each other's genital.  Meanwhile, continue to have great sex and safe sex.

It's about time Trump keeps his mouth shut!

Trump has been a media whore for the last few months, trying to build momentum for a political career that may not go anywhere. His racial undertone in undermining president Obama has been just as sick as those racist "birthers" that he has aligned himself with. First of all, Trump is not politically or globally aware. I highly doubt he even knows the different continents of the world. I would not be surprised if he thinks Africa is a country. Trump is really one dimensional. Just watch any interview that he has done. I say all this to say that Trump's political platform  is weak because in his own store and backyard everything is made in China, while he tries to take a fake political stand against manufacturing jobs being outsourced to China. You can go to Macy's and check the labels on 99% of Trump apparels and you will find a "Made in China" tag on them. This hypocrytical, dirty hustler has been riding his show, The Apprentice, for the last 10 seasons, because we all know that the realestate market has been a bust. The show has now become his primary source of income. We need to eliminate that.

Trump now makes more money on television than he's making through his investment hodlings, so don't believe the hype. If The Apprentice gets cancelled, so will his livelihood and he knows this, which is one of the reasons why he's trying to create a new platform, any platform for a politcical career. I always call a spade a spade and Trump is as racist as they come. How dare he questions the academic career of our president? This is insulting to all black people! This is the one moment where we must unite to put a stop to this trainwreck before Trumps starts to believe he's invincible, or a viable choice to become president. He's done good having inherited a business that his father started many years ago and took it to new heights, but don't be fooled to think that Trump is a self-made man. He's only been able to build his soon to be crumbling empire because of other people's money. We need to stop watching his show on TV and hurt him in the wallet, where it matters,  so he can keep his racist rants out of the media. Let's remind everyone how much of an opportunist that he is by making sure his show on NBC is cancelled for next season. Meanwhile, let's ask him why 99% of the Trump brand is made in China as he continues to try to use manufacturing jobs overseas as a platform for his political career?

Can your dirty mind help your sex life?

TGIFF (Thank Goodness It's Freaky Friday) again!

The days of being a sexual conservative are not all gone, but those conservatives seem to have the dirtiest minds. Most men enjoy a woman who's able to keep her freakiness inconspicuous to the public, but obviously-freaky looking women are not lacking any action either. They say those who can, usually don't talk about it, but that's not always true.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. Most people are stimulated verbally before they can become sexually aroused. Don't for a minute think that you are abnormal just because you have a dirty mind. To place restrictions on yourself because of what others may think or say about you, is almost the same as denying yourself the right to pleasure. I'm not saying that everyone is in tune with their dirty mind, or is turned on by a dirty  mind, but your mind can take your sexual life to great heights, if you allow it. A sexual act alone is not 100 percent satisfying all the time. A plain sexual act is like a silent movie where you're watching the action, but you wish you could hear what the characters are saying. So, why not tell your partner what you want and how you want it. Let him know that his tongue on your body is making you shiver; tell him the smooth caress of your skin sends chills up your spine; show her appreciation for the effort that she's putting in trying to please you with her hands or mouth; let her know that her picture perfect body drives you insane; tell her how you wanna heavenly please her. Of course, that's just my clean way of saying all those dirty things. I bet you have a great imagination and you can find better suited words to soothe his/her ego while making him/her succumb to your sexual prowess.

When you do a great job at work, you always enjoy encouraging words from your boss, because it shows appreciation, right? Why wouldn't it be the same way in the bedroom? Tell her, "I love the way you ride the heck hell out my #$%#!" She'll apreciate it. Tell him how he makes you feel when he goes deep to unchartered territories. He'll love it! You don't have to be with each other to get the foreplay started. Get her moist with a sensual text before she sets foot in the house. Guys are so easily turned on, a simple, "I can't wait for you to get home to f#$% the hell outta me" will get them home 20 minutes earlier than normal. They'll find shortcuts on the way home that you didn't know existed.

Men and women are visual, so don't feel shy about sending him/her a picture with a little message telling him/her that, "It's happy, hard and cannot wait to visit your tunnel of pleasure, or it's purring for your thrust." I know I'm not the only one who has ever sent a dirty picture through a text. I enjoy receiving them, too. You're only sharing your partner's favorite body parts with him/her. Get him/her all hot and bothered minutes before he/she arrives at your door. The sex will be explosive!

Stop acting like a prude and get your dirty talk on! The only thing you'll get out of it is a great performance and pleasure. Go ahead, please yourself!

Are you allowing racism to impede your success, growth and development?

It would be ludicrous of me to imply that racism is no longer existent in America, even under the leadership of a black president. In light of the racist picture of president Obama featured with a monkey family released by Marilyn Davenport who's an elected official, we know that racism is deeply rooted in this country and there's no sign of it being eradicated any time soon. However, we must learn to beat them at their own game. We have to prove to them that we are better than they think we are.

While it may be true that white folks hold the key to certain people's future as far as a career or job is concerned, we don't necessarily have to allow them to create roadblocks on our path to success. We have to be more dilligent in transcribing their racist attitudes. Most of us don't think much about a cop pulling us over without just-cause, most of the time, because we don't get a ticket. That should never be the correct reaction to their action. We have to be proactive  and make sure this police officer's bahavior does not continue. We have to start filing  complaints against rogue cops. If no complaint is filed, a cop has a clean record, as far as the department is concerned. There's no just way to determine whether or not an employer has used discriminatory practices, but don't ever dismiss the possibility. You should always ask questions as to why you didn't get the job if you feel qualified for the position. Don't get pushed out of a position because the employer thinks you're less qualified because of your complexion and not your qualification and ability. You can always file a complaint against an employer with the Attorney General's office. No complaint = a clean record.

You should never walk around with a defeated attitude and think that all white people are alike. On the contrary, there are many white people and white companies that welcome diversity. We've come a long way, but we have an even longer trek ahead. Just imagine if Jackie Robinson never broke the color barrier in baseball? What about all those other pioneers who were first in every field in America? Can you imagine what they endured at the height of racism in America? These people have suffered in order to pave the way for us, so we cannot give up on their struggle to build a better country with better opportunities for ourselves. We've always had to fight for what we have, and that fight will probably continue til the end of time. While white people enjoy the benefits of a melting pot society and like to boast "diversity," we must also reap the fruits of this society as well.

We are a very talented people in all facet of life. We are trend setters, entrepreneurs, leaders, entertainers, intelligent, beautiful, resilient, passionate, loving, multi-faceted and most of all, gifted. Let's not allow somebody's ignorance to keep us from striving. No more excuses!

Success is a state of mind. Nobody will achieve if you believe that you can't.

The emasculation of the black man

While living life as a black man in America can be a daily struggle and difficult enough as it is, too many of us are displaying behaviors detriment to our treatment here by other people. It appears as if every other race seems to have a vendetta against black men because of society's bad perception of us. It doesn't matter whether you're a doctor, lawyer, president, writer, engineer, governor, garbage man, maintenance worker and teacher, we all seem to get the worst treatment in sociey as a whole. For those of you who actually choose to sell drugs to your own people and feel that your actions are justified because of the hardships that you face, you're just soft and not strong enough to be a man. I have yet to write a memoir because I don't think it's time yet. However, hardship and struggle lived at my doorstep from the time I was a teenager when I was forced to leave home and almost had to fend for myself. The easy(some people actually think it's easier to sell drugs than getting a job) drug money and other petty crimes weren't oblivious to me, but I chose to stay focused in order to keep, not just my integrity, but also my sanity and pride. I wanted to be a man, not just some punk who felt going to prison had to be a rite of passage for all black men.

It's all good for the former drug dealers to recognize their mistakes after serving time, and some of them even end up capitalizing on their mistakes by writing about it in books that so many people have developed voracious appetites for. However, on the grand scale of things, your poor decisions and your mistakes have cost an entire race of black men their dignity and pride at the hands of police and society as a whole. Those of us who took pride enough in ourselves to do the right thing by attending college to become lawyers, doctors, engineers, and even those who have buckled down to maintain menial jobs to feed their families, have suffered the consequences of your actions. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be pulled over on the highway and to have your hands placed on the hood of your BMW or Mercedes that you work so hard to pay for, because a few drug dealers have enjoyed the same choice of luxury? Have you ever been pulled over just because you are a black man and the cop wants to keep you from getting to work or your destination on time because he has to make sure your car is legit? Do you how denigrating it is to be followed around in a store because you're a black man? Do you know the frustration we experience when people's assumptions of us is always criminally related?

The real questtion is, who's emasculating us? Are we the main culprit in our emasculation?

I'm sure many people will stand up to remind me that white people commit crimes and do all the things that are associated with black people as well. To be honest, I don't really care about what white people are doing, because we don't have as much of an impact on their lives as they do on ours. When was the last time you saw a group of black cops beating on a white man in a video? When was the last time you saw a white man getting pulled over for driving while white? Have you ever heard of an unarmed white man getting shot to death by cops? I can go on and on, but the point that I want to make is that we need to change our direction. We need to become the leaders that we were born to be and stop using lame excuses for our failures. The next time you're out there thinking about committing a crime, just think about the impact it will have on a generation of men that are not even born yet. Your poor decision in life will impact the life of my future son, your son, the neighbor's son, your brother's son and anybody out there that you don't know who end up with a black son.

Let's put a stop to the emasculation of oursleves!

How do you spruce up your sex life?

TGIFF(Thank Goodness It's Freaky Friday)

Face it, monotony is a part of life and no matter how fresh you try to keep the excitement in your life, the events are bound to become routine after a while. This is especially true for couples who have been together for a long time. While some will argue that they find ways to keep their sexual life exciting and fresh, we all know that we can't be that creative 365 days a year, if we should be so lucky to have sex that often. The average married couple, believe it or not, only has sex 4 to 6 times a month. I was married and I can honestly say those figures were very lowball in my life.

While most of us limit our sexual experience to the bedroom, there's a group of adventurers who like to take their sex life to new heights. The bedroom has become the bored room for them and every and anywhere else has become ideal to keep them sexually engaged. The voyeuristic types enjoy the chance of being watched by others, or even getting caught by the authorities. The adrenaline rush a person can get from performing in front of an uninvited audience is enough to keep the blood flowing endlessly. The swingers make our sex life sound tame, as they get a chance to experience different partners and remove monogamy from the relationship. I'm sure some of us can agree that having a new partner can be exciting because of the anticipation of the unknown. However, this post is about monogomous couples who want to spruce up their sex life.

My personal opinion is that sex can only be as limited as your mind. Once you remove the limitations, sex can be exciting forever, no matter how long you've been with your partner. Just understand that most people don't enjoy boredom and even many more get tired of the same routine. Missionary, doggystyle, riding, even oral sex are just simple parts of sex. There's so much more to it than that. Don't cheat yourself, instead, you should treat yourself. Nothing should be too nasty to do to please your partner. The tongue is a very essential part of sex, use it for arousal, excitement and climax. Your hands can do wonders if you know how to use them. Start practicing using your hands to please your partner, just make sure they are clean. Your mouth is not just made for talking and eating, use your mouth to please your partner. Kiss him/her where she/he's never been kissed before. Even your toes and feet can add pleasure to your sex life, make the best of them. Your sexual organs are not the only pleasure zone. We already know what we can get out of using our sexual organs, but how do you maximize your pleasure with them? Caress those southern lips; lick that clitoris; stimulate the anus; those breasts are not only to suck on, caress them; kiss her back; lick everything on her body; rub his chest, shoulders, legs, thighs and arms; don't be afraid to play with the penis, it won't bite; lick everything on his body. How about I let you use your imagination for the rest...

What are some of the things that you're doing to spruce up your sex life?

You don't think your kids are paying attention?

Too many people don't give a second thought to what they're exposing their children to. In my past work experience, I noticed how too many mothers carelessly dragged their kids to the welfare office to talk to their caseworker about foodstamps, section 8 and other necessities for their families. Often times, they are frustrated and angry and it's never a pleasant experience. I've also seen people roll blunts and freely light them up in the presence of their young children without any consideration for the child's health. Some parents have no problem sending their young kids to the fridge to fetch them a beer. I have even heard parents ask their children to light up their cigarette for them. Smoking around their children has become second nature. Are you kidding me? Why wouldn't these kids grow up feeling it's okay to make these habits a part of their adult life?

When we expose children to our bad habits early in life, we are limiting their choices, because kids tend to emulate behaviors diplayed by their parents. In order to help our children develop good habits, we have to acquire and display those good habits as well. You should not be surprised that your kid knows how to curse like a sailor by the age of five, if that's all she/he's ever heard coming out of your mouth(I have to catch myself sometimes). Children need molding, structure, discipline and more than anything, good examples. If you're setting poor examples for your children, don't be surprised if their lives turn out to be like yours or worst.

The next time you decide you want to go to the bank to make a deposit or withdrawal, take your child with you and explain the process to him/her. The next time you need to research something at the library, bring that child with you. It's always a good example when your kids can see you get up everyday to take yourself to work. Sitting around the house all day long and moping will only suggest to a child that life can go on without having a job, responsibility and all will be provided for, however limited that lifestyle may be.

Please pay attention to what you're exposing your children to!

What is the method of your success?

Often times we see folks that are successful and we wonder how we can obtain the same level of success as those we admire. However, it's always too personal to go up to a stranger to ask them about their path to success. I'm hoping this post will encourage some folks to come share with us their formula for success. And since I'm the author of this post, I should probably get it started.

Though I don't think I have yet reached the pinnacle of success that I have set for myself, I believe I've done relatively well in the last ten years. While most people believe that you need a huge amount of money in order to get started on the path of success, I found it to be the contrary. I remember when I was an anxious "go getter" back in the late 90's when my entrepreneurial spirit was at an all time high. It was the beginning of the real estate boom and I set out to get a piece of the pie. As a teacher, I wasn't making much money, but I knew how to save and also had other legal side hustles to supplement my income. I managed to save about $10,000.00 and that set me on a path to real estate success. I started out by purchasing a multi-family home that needed more repairs than I could afford to pay a contractor to complete. I found myself learning how to do many things that I didn't know I had the talent to do.  In no time, I was putting up sheetrock, finishing hardwood floors, painting walls, making sure the plumbing was right and fixing anything that would cost me more than a hundred dollars to pay somebody else to fix. That first house netted me almost six figures in profits after I sold it. Everything else just catapulted from there. By 2006, I had already purchased about 10 homes and made too much money than I could count. I never anticipated the real estate bust as did many other folks. Most of the money I had earned was starting to disappear when the market went haywire. It was time for a switch and I decided to start my publishing company. Once again, I didn't know how lucrative my next venture would become until I started selling more books than I could print back in 2002-2003. The market wasn't as saturated and I took advantage of it by creating a fanbase that have been supporting me for almost 10 years now. Though business has slowed down a bit, I'm fortunate and grateful that I have been able to sustain in this bad economy.

Those people who are interested in acquiring wealth through real estate, this is the best time to do it, while the market is down. I'm back in the real estate game and I plan to emerge a multi-millionaire in the next 5 years or so. Success is not waiting or looking for you, you must go out and seek it. If you set your priorities correctly, nothing should get in the way of your success.

Come share your stories of success ,and perhaps you may just insprire someone else with your personal tory of overcoming struggles to the path of success.

Why are you still in that closet?

Man, I'm a little fed up with this whole men on the downlow thing. The latest alleged casualty in this is Mr. Cee from hot 97, but really, fellas, if your choice is to be with a man, why hide it? I think that sisters have enough to deal with already, and to add the possibility of them dating a man who desires to be with other men is unacceptable. Not only that, the possible exposure to diseases is surmountable, because a wife or a girlfriend may not even be aware that her man is carelessly dibbing and dabbing on the other side of the fence. Not to say that gay people are more proned to diseases than straight people, but the risk can be higher if you're having unprotected sex with both men and women.

To all my thug-loving ladies who feel that a man is more masculine because he displays thugish characteristic, think again. If your grown ass man has no problem wearing his pants sagged below his ass, you should be concerned. If he randomly tries to insult homosexuals for no reason, you should be concerned. If he tries too hard to defend himself against homosexual tendencies that he may possess, you should be concerned. If your man seems to be a little too homophobic, you should be concerned, because he might just be too afraid of himself. The hardcore outer shell and attitude carried by some men should no longer be allowed to be a safehaven to conceal their homosexuality.

Ladies, get to know your man. No one can completely hide from who he truly is forever. I say this because I feel, as a man, I can be left exposed as well. I would hate to be the next man to date a woman who was dating a careless brother who was on the downlow.

Brothers, you should accept and be happy with who you are. If you truly want a family, but you're not into women, get a male partner and adopt as a gay couple. Don't go around playing with women's emotions, because when they're left scorned, all men become suspects and we all suffer the consequences. I thought being gay was meant to be happy? I think society has progressed to the point where the gay community has gained too much footing for a man to be afraid to come out the closet. The sooner you come out, the better your life and everybody's life around you will be. Be openly happy!

So you think you're a good man?

Most men today get easily offended when their manhood is challenged because of irresponsibilities. How can you call yourself a man when your priority is a new car, but your child's mother is not getting half the amount of your monthly car payment for child support? How can you call yourself a man when your objective is always the next piece of ass, but not the quality time you need to spend with your child or your family?

You can't call yourself a man if you're not responsible. Being responsible doesn't mean you can blame your lack of motivation or lack of work on the economy. Staying at home and complaining is not gonna help you get where you want to be. You have to make moves in order for anything to transpire. An intelligent man is a thinker who finds solutions to problems. You have to be a good role model for your children; teach them how get out of a bind; show them encouragement, get motivated; be a good father; be a good husband; be a good friend and take ownership for your mistakes.

Most of us didn't grow up with the best example of a good man in our lives, and that is all the more reason why we should break the cycle. Don't blame your faults on your father, be a better man than he was. Achieve more and let go of the excuses because they will weigh you down.

What makes you think you're a good man?

Ladies, share with us the good values of your good man.

How far would you go to please your mate?

Keeping up with the Freaky Friday theme, I would like to talk about the limit or limitless ways that a person is willing to please a partner. With the emergence of a new sexual revolution fueled by music viedos and other films and television shows, people are becoming more open-minded when it comes to sex and pleasing themselves. It's a known fact that most men fantasize about a threesome, but  the need to experiment with another woman is also becoming popular among some women. While most people keep in perspective that it is only a fantasy, there's a minority few who go the long way to make their fantasy come true.

There will always be a double standard when it comes to sexuality between men and women, however, more men are also becoming open-minded and liberal to the idea of allowing their women the pleasure of their fantasy. Some men are not intimidated with the idea of their woman bringing another man into the bedroom. Kudos to them and I guess it's good for the women who want such experience, but I'm opting out of this one.

Are we moving towards a society that lacks moral judgment, or is our mind taking us to unlimited boundaries sexually?

Are we allowing television shows to have a negative impact on our lives?

Reality shows have been the rave lately, and too many people have gotten hooked. Shows like Housewives of Atlanta or Bastketball Wives have become big money-makers for cable television. Of course, in my opinion these shows should be called, "The Jump Offs," because there's hardly any wives on these shows, well, good wives, anyway. These shows are more about a lifestyle than they are about substance or the true reality of the participating "actors." Fabulousity is what the networks are trying to sell and too many people seem to be buying into it.

Where does the average man stand when women are dreaming of a lifestyle that only an ignorant professional athlete or a foolish, superstar rapper can provide?  I ask this because I highly doubt that Grant Hill's wife would appear on that show. Juanita Jordan, although divorced from her husband, has too much class to participate in something like this.

Where does the average woman stand when they are being protrayed as canniving, heartless and cunning on television?

Nobody wants to have class anymore. Everybody wants to be fabulously ghetto.

The most important element missing on all these shows is love. It seems like everyone on these shows is chasing a lifestyle and if they can't find it, they're gonna keep looking until the right "baller" comes along to provide it. 

Are we being manipulated without knowing it?

Why are so many professional black women single?

The divorce rate in America has gone up in the last decade like the space shuttle shooting into space, but one group in particular has been affected by this problem more than any other, the African-American community. Personally, I have met so many successful black women that are single that if polygamy wasn't illegal, I would be tempted. LOL! Of course, my perspective with these women is totally different than a regular guy who's interested in more than friendship with them. These assertive, beautiful, independent and successful sisters can't seem to catch a break, but what I also know about them is that their expectation for a mate is sometimes ridiculous.

There's this long list of requirements: College Degree, 6ft or taller, no kids, professional job, home owner, car owner, handsome, sexy, super bedroom skills, and the list goes on and on. What these women don't realize is that they are in their mid to late-thirties and soon they will start running out of excuses as to why they can't find a decent man. It seems as if some of the beautiful sisters who are earning 75k or more a year want a man who makes professional athlete money. However, the brothers making that kind of money will not compromise their attitude. Your thoughts, ladies and gentlemen?

Do women encourage deadbeat behavior?

It is my belief that a man can only get away with so much because women allow that to happen. If you have a child with a man, it is only fair that you make him contribute emotionally, spiritually and financially to that child's life. Whether you get the court involved and you decide to have an adult conversation with your man, you need to make sure he's involved.