The divorce rate in America has gone up in the last decade like the space shuttle shooting into space, but one group in particular has been affected by this problem more than any other, the African-American community. Personally, I have met so many successful black women that are single that if polygamy wasn't illegal, I would be tempted. LOL! Of course, my perspective with these women is totally different than a regular guy who's interested in more than friendship with them. These assertive, beautiful, independent and successful sisters can't seem to catch a break, but what I also know about them is that their expectation for a mate is sometimes ridiculous.
There's this long list of requirements: College Degree, 6ft or taller, no kids, professional job, home owner, car owner, handsome, sexy, super bedroom skills, and the list goes on and on. What these women don't realize is that they are in their mid to late-thirties and soon they will start running out of excuses as to why they can't find a decent man. It seems as if some of the beautiful sisters who are earning 75k or more a year want a man who makes professional athlete money. However, the brothers making that kind of money will not compromise their attitude. Your thoughts, ladies and gentlemen?
I had that same mentality like so many women with unrealistic expectations. Besides, if they do find their certain type "man", it may not turn out what they've hoped. Like my grandmother says, be careful what you wish for.
ReplyDeleteWhy are so many WOMEN single?? It doesn't just affect the professional Women. Maybe we should ask the ELIGIBLE MEN why they haven't snagged their QUEEN yet??
ReplyDeleteThat's good food for thought, Imani.
ReplyDelete@Vanessa, When a man is ready to settle down, he knows exactly the type of woman he's looking for and usually goes out and get her. I'm not hearing too many brothers complaining about finding a good woman. When it's all said and done at the end of the day, a brother will marry a maid if she makes him happy. We don't have a long laundry list.
ReplyDeleteSome successful black women do share this mentality when it comes to finding a mate, but underlying societal and cultural issues help formulate this attitude for many successful black women. Specifically, society says that the man is the provider & the head of household. Let's be real--if a man isn't making at least 50-grand a year he'll have a hard time taking care of a family.
ReplyDeleteIf a woman is making 75k, there is nothing wrong w/ wanting a mate who can match that or come close to it. If she has a home, car and successful career, he should at least be on a track to attaining those things if he doesn't already come into the relationship w/ them.
The women movement erased all the societal standards established for men. Women wanted to be equal to men and they've got that, so now they should be able to act as equally with men in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteIf most men were looking for their financial counterparts, there would be ten times as many more single women out there. A minimum salary is not a requirement for a man to marry a woman. Most men marry women way below their income status, why should women feel superior because of a better income?
When men were considered the providers in the home, the women were at home raising the children. That was too long ago. Let's move into the new millenium. That's one of the reasons why successful women are single then, right?
This is Michaelle-It is absolutely true that so many are single because their list is too long and unrealistic. The longer it takes a woman to accept this fact, the longer she will stay single. Not tot many men are like this, but they are also out there. I knew a man who expected women to always look like what he saw in the videos. He admitted that women were always accusing him of comparing them to video women. He is looking for someone perfect, and that is the main reason why he is still single. If you have a list, I say make sure it has to do with what's on the inside, not superficial things. Most people who do get the person that fulfills their superficial list, also gets a person who is superficial on the inside. Those relationships never work out.
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ReplyDeleteI'd have to agree that it does go both ways. Men can be pretty shallow when it comes to specificities of their definition of the "right women". However the minute being in a relationship/married became a financial competition that's where things fell apart. Whatever happen to loving someone for who they are and not for what they have or could afford. We as women hinder ourselves from being happy especially us African American women. The title 'independent' has been used and abused in the worst way. Regardless to the financial portfolio a man is and should always be considered head of the house hold!!! A real independent women is a women that can step back and except that and allow that man to be head, know her place. Because at the end of the day it's us women who really keep it all together. If a man feels he has the support of his woman he can conquer anything. When you start putting a value on love it really isn't love at all! Women can never be equal to men regardless to how much money they make, it wasn't written in the bible that way. And as long as we continue to strive for that and keep all these crazy lists we will continue to see an abundance of single women.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the best way to shed light on a problem is to bring it to the forefront. I would like to hear from some of the single ladies who seem to think that the men should be blamed for their "single" status. What is it that the men aren't doing right?
ReplyDeleteKudos to LaDawn, well said! Some men feel inferior, if they aren't the bread winners or aren't on the same professional level as their woman. So they run the other way when a strong, independent black woman looks their way.
ReplyDeleteI've said this before and I'll say it again: Women are NOT looking for perfection because we know it doesn't exist, however we have HIGH expectations of him just like he does of us. If these expectaions of fidelity, honesty, accountability, responsibility and respect are too high, then so be it. We want to settle down NOT settle for...
ReplyDeleteOne Gentleman said we are looking for perfection like Chili. How about we get that Brother from in front of the TV so he can stop comparing women to a staged 'reality' show. Secondly, let's get him to understand that perfect people aren't real and real people are NOT perfect. So if his barometer is 'what Chili Wants' then he has a LOT to learn about himself first, then the beautiful WOMEN he's passing by...or letting walk by because he's glued to a tv!!!
You also started the post with the stats on the divorce rates and last I checked it took TWO to agree on the divorce. It doesn't matter who initiated it or who was coerced into agreeing to it, DIVORCE is a two-person action.
ReplyDeleteNow as far as Women putting too many standards on Men, if you listen carefully, Women are either too much of one thing or not enough of another and we never (fill in the blank)!! It seems we MUST have to have balance, while Men seems to want us to just to accept them just for being Men.
nice...banter... it seems everyone agrees here that we share responsibility of the debt of what societal norms...who is normal is not real...who has courage and forsakes his/her good for the family load is real... honesty to bring tears is real...not because of hurt but love for another s luck and or misfortune.... no man is perfect...no woman is perfect...but the rationalization of intention can create the best...accept and love yourself for the glorious inside of you and do the same with those you meet...looking great at 20 does not mean you will look great at 50...but if your inside of you is great at 20.... at 50...you have doubled your greatness....enjoy the woman or man you encounter today and you may find a new friend that can be a partner...whether in business or love.... A wise woman told me many days ago... that men are shy of women that are successful....my question...why...she said.. he needs to be the powerful one...i said "like a lion of his lioness...she said ...yes...imagine we were lions.... all need to survive...male or female...they help each other...so i think if we take a look at the men and women amongst us.... do you love yourself.....are you good with yourself....stop looking for a match...look for a man/woman that is wholly good...has a sense of humor...is generous with their heart (wallet/purse...is personal)...their phd and masters is a reflection of their behavior...do not give the opportunity for a lie...learn about each other....within three months if it is meant to be you will be in close quarters together...if not you will not have the resentment or regret of that amazing nothing unless it is something.... monogamy with intimacy is what breaks the bank...but if singlehood is your perfection...enjoy it without nipping at the heels of a man or woman....that indeed classless
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