Why do cheaters cheat with their mates' close friends and family members?

Freaky Friday's here and I would like to engage you in a conversation that most people don't want to be a part of. First of all, I need to state that my moral compass is no higher than most people, but nevertheless, I do have morals.

I often hear about cases of infidelity from the wounded mate, but it's not often the cheater comes out and admits his/her act of cheating without trying to justify his/her bad decision. Quiet as it's kept, there are far more cheaters out there than faithful people. Most cheaters feel a sense of validation when they cheat, because they can always blame it on something that is lacking in their personal relationship. However, if you are going to cheat, why would you cheat with someone who's close to your mate?

I'm one of those guys who has always been against "sloppy seconds." I'm not built for it. I always have to be first. It would be hard for me to sleep with a woman who's in a relationship with a friend or family member. Morally, I would automatically lose respect for a woman who would knowingly try to sleep with me even if I'm just an acquiantance of her partner's. I honestly feel people with loose morals always have some type of justification for their ill behavior. Out of the millions of people available on this planet, why would you want to focus on the ones forbidden to you?

That argument is easy enough, but when you think about it, people can only cheat with other people that they have the most access to. If the best friend is always around, chances are he/she probably knows the situation between you and your mate. Your vulnerability is their best asset and they can use it to manipulate you into thinking that they are a better option, and before you know it, you're sobbing and sulking in the arms of the so called best friend who has now become the enemy, not just to his best friend, but also to you. If you really think about it, the best friend is actually a worst individual than the mate you're cheating on. What kind of best friend or family member leaves himself open to the possibility of sleeping with his/her best friend's mate?

I know that society has changed in the last few decades, but the selfish attitude that some of us carry is only going to take us in the wrong direction. Next time you're ready to spread your legs to your mate's best friend, or  get between the legs of your mate's best friend, think about your lack of judgment and morals, but more importantly, you need to look at the friend and ask yourself, was he/she ever a friend to your mate to begin with?

Is 60 seconds of pleasure really worth it? It doesn't matter how long or how hard you go at it, it comes to down to 60 seconds of pleasure when you climax. 2-3 hours of sex ends up with the same result, 60 seconds of screaming, convulsing, shaking and trembling. I'm even being generous with the 60 seconds. The ultimate goal is to climax, no nut is that golden!

You really think you know men?

Since today is Freaky Friday, I want to go back to the Friday roots and keep it freaky and steamy. However, I also want to convey a message to many of the women out there who think they know so much about men.

So it's Friday night and he calls you up for a date and you accept, because you don't want to be in the house alone. He's excited about seeing you and he wants to put his all into it to ensure you have a good time. He rummages through his closet and finds the best looking slacks, shirt, shoes, belt, and even maybe his best suit to impress you. On the dresser, he reaches for his special cologne, not the one he wears everyday, but the expensive one that he only wears on special occasions. He sprays more than usual around his neck, behind his ears and wrists hoping to gain your attention when you first see him. The car has been cleaned and detailed spotless. He's looking forward to a great time with you. He even follows up with the restaurant to make sure the reservation is intact. All he's thinking about is being in your presence for the very first time. There's no hard-on or any bulge in his pants yet, he's excited about the first date and wants to get to know you.

Finally, he's at your door and you're still not ready. He gives you an extra 15 minutes, but he's a little agitated because he worked hard to get the reservation at the restaurant. You finally emerge from the bedroom after he's been sitting in your livingroom, assessing your decorating style, your cleanliness and your sense of time and responsibility. Later on, they will all play a factor in his decision to continue on with courting you. You look sexy as hell and your tardiness is all but forgotten. He's happy to see that you look so good. He asks to use your bathroom before he leaves. He relieves himself and quickly heads out to the restaurant with you to make it on time. You have small talk in the car, but he's a little cautious and reserve. You are very independent, professional, educated, beautiful and smart. You live in an upper-middleclass neighborhood. He knows this, no need to reiterate. The sexy black dress you're wearing forces the blood to leave his brain to travel down to his pants while he's driving, but he's able to conceal this natural occurence from you. You get more nods and one-word answers from him than you would like, but how he can concentrate when your legs look so delicious near the center consul? You almost make him feel like he's out of his league, because you told him about the last few guys you dated who were doctors, lawyers, professional athletes and executives. He reaches behind his seat and surprisingly hands you a dozen roses and tells you how good you look, nervously. You thank him and instantly bring the roses to your nose to let him know you appreciate the gesture. He's thinking he might have a shot at this otherwise, unbelievable woman.

We're gonna fast forward to the end of the night for a minute. You filled your stomach with the most expensive dishes; you never threw one compliment his way and you find out his blue collar job is not what you want from a man, but worst he didn't meet your education requirement, salary requirement, looks requirement, articulation requirement and height requirement. And you couldn't understand why he drove a Nissan Sentra. Why the fuck did you go out with him then? To waste his money and time?

Ain't nothing steamy about this damn post. I wanna know why women like to play these stupid ass games. 50% of professional black women are single and I'm just trying to find out the reasons behind this trend. I'm gonna try to be the voice for these brothers who come from all walks of life, but I need the women to be honest with themselves and the reasons they tend to overlook certain men. This is not to generalize all women, but too many women have this long checklist that they're walking around with that keeps them single.

Ladies, holla!

Fellas, let them know how you feel!

These are some of the issues I will be addressing in my new book, What Women Need to Know About men.

So you wanna get married, huh?

Since I'm a divorced father of a beautiful princess, I can only hope that one day I get the chance to walk her down the aisle, if that's what she wants to do. However, before she even thinks about walking down the aisle, I have to get her prepared for that phase in her life.

Most little girls grow up to be women with dreams of finding their prince charming one day, but the problem lies with the fact that too many little girls have never gotten a chance to be a princess. You can't be with a prince if you don't know what it's like to be a princess. I'm not blaming the ladies for not experiencing the royal treatment of a princess throughout their lives, but I will ask for the men to step up and show their little girls what it's like to be a princess, because they will make better wives.

Most black women are reluctant to admit that they have daddy issues, and often times, they don't try to resolve them before getting into a serious relationship with a man. Your father is supposed to be the first image that you have of a man as a little girl, whether positive or negative. If you have a great daddy in your life, chances are, you will end up with a great man because you will be able to make a better choice due to the example that your father set forth. However, if your daddy wasn't all that great, you may also end up with a man similar to him, which won't help your relationship. In order to break this negative cycle, you either have to sit with your "inadequate father"  and talk it out with him or go to the next psych clicnic to seek professional help.

Most people don't place too much emphasis on the fact that a great relationship can only be built when we resolve our own issues first. We can't lean towards a partner to help resolve something that has been a part of our lives before we met him/her. Those issues have to be addressed beforehand so that a prosperous relationship can develop. I dont wanna knock anybody for wanting to form a loving union with with a partner, but let's remove the struggling part of that union before we even get started. There are too many beautiful, prefessional, intelligent and single sisters out there. We need to build the black family and it all starts with us.

Why Men Cheat With Less Desirable Women

Today's Freaky Friday and I would like to talk about some of the undercover freaks like Arnold Crush-a-maida and a few other men who have cheated on their wives with women that aren't even worth the trouble.

I'm finding most of the time when men cheat, they cheat with women that are either working for them or close to their family and are in a subordinate position. We can go back to the Clinton-Monica Lewinski debacle and see how easy it is for a man to become attracted to a woman that's less desirable financially, intellectually and even physically than their wives sometimes. Too many wives feel that their husbands are more inclined to go after a desirable bombshell when they want to cheat. That's rarely the case, and even when it is the case, the relationship with the bomshell bimbo is usually shortlived. However, that plain Jane looking woman that your husband may be around all the time, gives him easy access and control.

First of all, it's not hard for a man in a powerful position to make a plain Jane feel desirable. All it takes is a subtle compliment. The plain Jane is usually envious of the beautiful, glamorous wife, anyway. So her best weapon of revenge is to sleep with the husband. It's vengeful because Ms. Plain Jane will keep their secret while holding in her laugh in the presence of the wife. Also, these men tend to find the less powerful women easier prey because they figure they can control them emotionally, and most of the time, financially also. Just imagine how that maid felt when Gov. and Mr. Arnold "I'll be back, movie star" Schwartzeneger responded to her flirtatious ways the first time? She no longer felt like a second class citizen in the presence of Maria Shriver. She wanted to be number one in his heart and the way to do that was to drop her panties and let him have it any way he wanted, especially raw. The lady herself was married, but her husband couldn't even hold Armold's jockstrap, as far as she was concerned. These men are dumb enough to think they have the situation under control because of their powerful position. Who would've thought John Edwards was cheating on his wife? Why would a president allow an intern to give him a blowjob? An intern? It's because these powerful men think they can control the situation when it involves a subservient person.

The fact that these men don't even care to use protection while cheating, only reaffirms the belief that they are invincible. Strauss-Khan is going to find out the hard way about his invicibility as the woman he allegedly raped has been allegedly diagnosed as HIV positive. If Clinton had gone further with Monica Lewinski, I'm sure there would've been a lovechild there as well. Monica was too happy about the blowjob, so she blew her chance to take it to the next level. She was young, excited and couldn't keep her mouth shut, literally.

The fact that when men like Arnold, Clinton, Jesse Jackson, and even the IMF Chief Strauss-Khan who allgedly raped a maid in Manhattan, are defended and supported by their wives in the media is very disturbing. Arnold has a history of groping women, Clinton has a history of being naughty with other women, Jesse Jackson has had affairs in the past as well, and Strauss-Khan has a history of forcing himself on women. However, the common fact in all these cases is that these women chose to ignore these behaviors from these men because of their powerful positions in society. That type of behavior is not curbed because it's often overlooked by the wives, even before they decide to marry these men.

I know most women want to be with a powerful man, but there's a price to pay when you marry a powerful man. The maid may be laughing at you, the nanny may be clowning (ala Jesse James), the secretary may be jestering you and the personal assistant may just know that you have no oral skills or rythm in the bedroom. These women are not as undesirable as you may think. They might just have one up on you.

Is beauty all you need to take it there?

As a man, I know how important aesthetics can be when most of us look at a woman. Beauty is usually the first thing that draw us to a woman. However, beauty doesn't necessarily have to be a beautiful face. For some men, the body is more important than the face, but nonetheless, a beautiful body is part of the beauty package. Most men won't think twice about marrying a beautiful woman no matter how intellectually challenged she may be. Most of us would find ourselves excited by a woman's beauty alone. Of course, there's an exception to every rule.

Personally, if a woman lacks intelligence, she won't do it for me. I'm easily agitated by stupidity. I don't want to be in the company of an imbecil, because at the end of the day, frustration is always waiting down the road. You can't just have sex without having somewhat of a conversation for the rest of your life. I can only speak as a man and for myself.

Women tend to be a little different than men. Substance is usually key for most women. A good looking man can get them riled up, but most of them can't get past the lack of intelligence from a man. However, there are still women out there who just want to be with a good looking man.

To me beauty is not limited to the physical. A person with a beautiful mind add sassiness to the equation. Furthermore, when a woman is intelligent, she tends to be a notch above the rest. A smart woman/man can help you get ahead in life, while somebody who's intelletually challenged might be an extra load to carry.

Can you stay interested in a realtionship by beauty alone? Is beauty all you need to make a decision regarding a partner?

The Dominican Republic's dirty secret

Since today is Flag day in Haiti, I decided to write this in our honor.

Unlike most people who travel to the caribbean for vacation, I try to look into the fiber of the society which I'm visiting. As with any vacation, I was excited about my trip to Santo Domingo for the very first time. So many people had told me about the island, I was ready to have the best time of my life once I got there. Soon after my arrival to the island, the driver who picked me up from the airport to take me to my resort started making small talk and we were soon engaged in a conversation, however limited it was, due to his inability to speak english fluently and my inability to understand his spanish. Nevertheless, we managed with my limited spanish and his limited english. It was kind of odd that Sammy Sosa's name came up right away, because of his latest effort to transform himself from a black man to a white man by bleaching his skin and added new green contacts to his eyes. Right away I sensed the lack of pride in Sosa, because of the sarcasm in the driver's voice. This lack of pride also came from a government that reinforced the negativity towards darker skinned people. Not much different from the US, but the Dominican Republic is a nation that's made up of 90% dark skinned people. The driver himself was what I would call a medium brown skinned brother with wavy hair. That small conversation led to bigger conversation on my part with other tourist guides from the island during the rest of my trip. It was ironic that many of them thought I was Dominican, but not black. LMAO!

I was shocked to learn that most of the Dominicans do not want to embrace their African ancestry, even though most of them are brown to dark skinned people. It was disturbing as the days went on and I started to learn more about the Dominican culture. On one of the tours that I went, the tour guide was proud to talk about his Taino ancestry, a tribe that was annihilated hundreds of years ago. Though apparent in his pigmentation, the blackness or darkness that most of the tourists are seeking under the hot Dominican sun, this man was very apprehensive about letting on that he was part African. It was a good thing that I was forewarned about this inferiority complex by Dr. Henry Louis Gates, the Havard professor who made the documentary called Blacks in Latin America. It was a little too late after I watched the tape because the trip was already booked. I damn sure would have saved my money.

I found that most people in the Domincan Republic to be pleasant, however, it is an insult to them to call them black. To take it even further, it's even more insulting to think that they have Haitian blood. The irony about this situation is that there would be no Dominican Republic if they were never liberated from the Spaniards by the Haitians. At one point, the whole island was called Ayiti. So, any person with dark skin in the Dominican Republic most likely has Haitian decendants. I also found out players like Alfonso Soriano, Juan Pierre(obvious last name), Sammy Sosa and many more well-known baseball figures in the USA, all have Haitian forefathers and even parents. However, the Dominican government would not grant them a visa to get a contract with MLB if that information is made public.

Furthermore, the Dominican government's propaganda in the public's eye is that they have the best interest of the Haitian people at heart, especially after the earthquake, but after visiting the shanty town with slave-like quarters where the people of Haitian decent live, I beg to differ. After visiting a sugar cane plantation where migrant workers are paid less than .50 cents a day to work 14 hrs, I would strongly disagree. After learning that Dominican born children of Haitian parents are not recognized by the Dominican government as citizens, and are kept from attending school because of their ancestral background, I was angry. After learning that kids are sometimes picked up on their way home and decapitated and killed for no reason simply because they are black and have Haitian background, I was pissed. After learning that they openly talked about President Obama being less than human on national radio in the Dominican Republic because his father was from Africa, I was ready to kill somebody.

I say all this to say that if you're planning a trip to the Dominican Republic, please go spend your money elsewhere. We do not need to support a government that allows people to be ostracized on a daily basis when all they are looking for is an opportunity to work and provide for their family. Unfortunately, I can't go into too much detail as this is only a blog, but I promise I will follow this up with a detailed book to expose the atrocities going on in the Dominican Republic.

I encourage all people, whether black or white to stop visiting the Dominican Republic because they're still  violating all the human rights that most people across the world, in America, South Africa, Europe, South America and Asia are fighting for. The UN has had to beg the Dominican government to allow them to build schools to allow these children to attend. I say to my Haitian brothers and sisters: keep your head up because we will rise again as a nation, and people will once again recognize our achievements as a strong people and the first free black republic in the world.

When sex is the deciding factor...

Yay! Freaky Friday is here again!

So you're in a relationship and things are not going as well as you would like. Your mate is a little abusive, insensitive sometimes and can also be inconsiderate of your feelings. You get frustrated, and even on the verge of walking away to start anew when you feel that that you've had enough. Just when you muster the courage to say, "to hell with the relationship," your mate pulls out his/her secret weapon and before you know it, you're screaming God's name in vain as your mate is getting ready to take you to seventh heaven the best way he/she knows how, sexually. Your body language and attitude shift and the high of an orgasm set you on a path to cloud nine and everything around you starts to float. Your heart is pulsating with good feelings, your body convulses with pleasure and your mind erases all the negative experiences for the hour or so you are under your mate's sexual spell.  You look at your mate and his/her ability to bring so much physical and sexual pleasure to you, and all you can do is smile. His/her body is perfect at the time; his/her smile melts your heart; your toes curl and that person is just right. All of a sudden you're having second thought about leaving the relationship, because you just know that you will never find anybody else in the world that will satisfied you sexually the way that your thoughtless mate does. All is forgiven after you are properly sexed, but not even a day later, things go right back to the way they were until your next sexual session, again!

Is sex really important to the point where a person should forget everything else that should matter in a relationship?

Are you caught up in that type of relationship?

Has good sex affected your good moral decision to leave a poor relationship?