Since I'm a divorced father of a beautiful princess, I can only hope that one day I get the chance to walk her down the aisle, if that's what she wants to do. However, before she even thinks about walking down the aisle, I have to get her prepared for that phase in her life.
Most little girls grow up to be women with dreams of finding their prince charming one day, but the problem lies with the fact that too many little girls have never gotten a chance to be a princess. You can't be with a prince if you don't know what it's like to be a princess. I'm not blaming the ladies for not experiencing the royal treatment of a princess throughout their lives, but I will ask for the men to step up and show their little girls what it's like to be a princess, because they will make better wives.
Most black women are reluctant to admit that they have daddy issues, and often times, they don't try to resolve them before getting into a serious relationship with a man. Your father is supposed to be the first image that you have of a man as a little girl, whether positive or negative. If you have a great daddy in your life, chances are, you will end up with a great man because you will be able to make a better choice due to the example that your father set forth. However, if your daddy wasn't all that great, you may also end up with a man similar to him, which won't help your relationship. In order to break this negative cycle, you either have to sit with your "inadequate father" and talk it out with him or go to the next psych clicnic to seek professional help.
Most people don't place too much emphasis on the fact that a great relationship can only be built when we resolve our own issues first. We can't lean towards a partner to help resolve something that has been a part of our lives before we met him/her. Those issues have to be addressed beforehand so that a prosperous relationship can develop. I dont wanna knock anybody for wanting to form a loving union with with a partner, but let's remove the struggling part of that union before we even get started. There are too many beautiful, prefessional, intelligent and single sisters out there. We need to build the black family and it all starts with us.
Love your post Rich and you brought up some great points. One point you made was that little girls do not know what it is like to be treated like a princess by their own fathers which is so true but I ask you what is your definition of being treated like a princess? You know first hand how it was growing up in our family but I believe that the true example of what a father/husband is is that of Christ. There is a scripture in the bible in Ephesians 5:25-27 that states, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." How many men do you know would give themselves up or put themselves in the back to put their wives needs first? I agree that girls need to be treated well by their fathers but speaking from experience to me the true first example girls have is seeing how daddy treats mommy. You can treat me well all my life but how you treated my mom is also if not more up front than how you treated me and these are the characteristics I will look for when I look for a potential husband. I will remember the examples of how my dad would take my mom out, call her beautiful, give of himself for her and the family...and if dad treated mom really well most likely he would treat me the same. Yes, many of us fall into the trap of getting someone just like our natural father but this should not be the only true example.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I was just discussing the importance of fathers in our daughter's lives with a friend of mine and I brought up the fact that of my friends who have a great father in their lives they tend to have success when choosing a mate. Compared to that of my friends who didn't have their father in their life or a father who was just the dude on the couch, they tend to choose men who are similar or they have issues with maintaing a successful relationship. I am fortunate enough to have my father in my life since I was born therefore I chose men similar to him and I have had successful relationships in the past. I have been married now for 8 years to a great guy. Men underestimate their importance in their daughter's lives; men are the first glimpse of what a girl should expect from a man and if that glimpse is all wrong that could ruin her potential for being successful in relationships in the future.
ReplyDeleteNice topic. Unfortunately too many black girls don’t know what it's like to grow up in a two parent household, much less be treated like a princess. I was one of those little girls, but having an absentee father didn't hinder me from having healthy relationships w/ men because I had strong male role models. Despite my father's absence I didn't feel a void b/c my grandfathers & uncles stepped in to fill the gap. We need more men to step in and assume a father-figure role in our little girls' lives when daddy isn't around.
ReplyDeleteI don't necessarily think that a little girl needs to see how her daddy treats her mother in order to make a great choice of a man in her life. My daughter doesn't get a chance to see much interaction between me and her mother because we've been divorced since she was a baby. However, she is treated like a princess when she's with me.
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons I ended up divorced was because I chose to ignore the red flags of daddy issues from my ex-wife. That will never happen again. I do plan on being the best father, provider and role model for my daughter. She's #1 in my life and always will be.
I totally understand that and sometimes we do miss the red flags but like one poster stated there were other men in my life as well that not only showed me how to be treated but also how to be in a relationship. Growing up in a one parent home makes it very difficult to know how to be treated and also how to manage a healthy married life. What did I know about being a wife and even now I find myself with numerous questions with no one to ask. Luckily I'm not alone so I have a girls night every other month or so and we talk about life and the struggles of being a mother and a wife. We support one another as well as pray for one another.
ReplyDeleteI think folks in general are reluctant to accept when they have issues and because of this many fail to identify them early on if at all. I've never wanted to be a princess or marry a prince. What I'd prefer is to be a queen and marry a king. Before any union is formed, folks have to make sure whatever baggage, demons, and issues they have are rectified before sealing this deal otherwise it will rip apart the relationship. Those solutions may come in spiritual or psychological forms. Either way, people need to acknowledge the issues, strike a balance when the father isn't in the picture and move on from those restraints. This is true for men too. Some men grow up without their mothers and in return don't know how to treat women or they see their mom's hooking around as a child and grow up disrespecting women altogether. It's about having a balance and seeking role models to fill the gaps of missing/responsible parents.
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